I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
