I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
