An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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