I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
