I looked at my own cervix.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
