Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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