Don't you send me to vm
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
