Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
