I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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