One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My ATM looks so different sober.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
