Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
