life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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