Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you remember whose house we're in?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
