Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
