Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
