The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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