He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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