You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
