Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
