sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
