and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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