i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
