PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
