I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
