Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
