feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
