just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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