I am puke
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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