This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize