She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
