After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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