Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
