The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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