Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
