Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
