Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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