i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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