drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
