"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
