the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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