I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
