is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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