oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
