you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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