you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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