I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
