Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
