Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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