vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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