So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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