im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
