all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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