my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
