"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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