Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
