The maid of honor just puked.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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