apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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