My boss' voice literally gives me gas
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
