we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
