I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's official drugs can't kill me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
