I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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