Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
