I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
