woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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