You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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