lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
