I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
