how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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