I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Drake has all the answers
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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