i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
