Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
