Please, let me fuck your mom
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
