Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
