I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
